It's been two weeks since I've put anything significant in my diary, and a lot has happened in that time, but very little of it seems newsworthy. It all has the feel of "I've already said this."
I think one flaw of keeping a diary is that after a while, everything seems to sound the same. Not having updated my website in a while fails to bother me because I've said it all a hundred times. Jessie accuses me of repeating
myself ad nauseum when I don't watch myself, and I'm sure I've done that on this site without even thinking about it.
Chloe has been here on a visit, and it was wonderful finally seeing face-to-face the wonderful coonie I'd known online. I think it's important to say that she seemed to be in person very much who she is online, which is a rare enough event that I consider it significant. Actually, it's rare for me to meet people who aren't similar to how they portray themselves, but from what I've heard from others, it's unusual.
Jessie and I are in our own apartment again. I had hoped that things would work out with Efrain, but they didn't and the details as to why aren't really important. I still love the cat very much, and I know Jessie does as well and
that feeling is returned, but living together got all of us on each others' nerves after a while, and so it just worked out best to go our separate ways and get two apartments. We're in the same complex, though, so it isn't like
the friendship is over or anything, and we do still all see each other on a regular basis.
It's been almost nine months since Jessie and I have had the chance to be alone with each other, and the first night I spent curled up against Jessie's side, knowing that we were alone together was an indescribable sensation. It wasn't the bed, or the room, or the apartment, but just the knowledge that whatever else happened, I could come home at the end of the day and zie would be there, and that we would be together, and that nothing else had to get in the way. I'm glad I had Randy living with me when she did, and I enjoyed the time we lived at Efrain's, but I'm happy to be in my own apartment again.
Last, and probably most important, I received my psychiatric evaluation in the mail. It really doesn't say anything that I didn't already know, but it "guarantees" that I really do have a female gender identity and that having the operation is probably a good idea. Jessie made a number of jokes upon reading the evaluation that medical science had finally realized what zie could've told them two years ago.
The letter by itself really doesn't mean much. It's important because as far as I know, it's the last piece of paper that I have to have to send to my surgeon to guarantee my surgery next March. Now all I have to do is send it and then put aside the money to pay for it. If I must, I'll take out a loan, but I hope that won't be necessary.
Now it's only a matter of time.