Today, I had what is likely to be the first of odd encounters until such time as I'm totally through the process. It shouldn't have been so totally unexpected, but it caught me thoroughly off-guard.
I ran into my cubemate from work today at the mall.
Now, this wouldn't normally be an issue. Running into someone from work while away from it is something that most people would probably consider a nifty coincidence. However, at the time, it was more like finding one's pastor at the corner pub and not being Irish Catholic. As I noted above, I should've expected that eventually it would happen, but for some reason I just sort of lived off in my own little bubble somewhere, that "work" was this isolated segment of my life into which I occasionally had to foray in order to keep making money so that I could pay for everything else.
The exchange itself was brief. He nodded and said, "Oh, hi," as I walked past; I nodded and said hello back. I suppose the blouse and jeans I had on could be mistaken for androgynous-enough clothing. Considering I still
get sirred on a regular basis, it's almost certain he didn't think anything of it, though I'll find on Monday.
The funny thing, now, is that about a minute after I walked past, the first thing I thought was, "At least I wasn't wearing a skirt!" Ten seconds after that, I realized how ludicrous that sounded. My letter of approval for hormones is written. I'm making the appointment on Monday to see my doctor and get a referral to an endrocrinologist. I'll be full-timing within a few months, and barring someone giving me double my current salaryto move I'll be dressing as myself at work soon enough. He's going to see me in skirts eventually, so would've been wrong with him seeing me in one today?
I think there, again, it was the shock value. I just wasn't mentally prepared to tell him. I got my new credit card, with my real name on it, and there've been a few places where I was hesitant to use it in case someone that's known me for a while asked questions while I wasn't ready to answer them. They're all people who'd eventually find out, but I haven't always been in a mood to answer questions. I'm not really trying to hide anything, but I'm also not going around and waving it under people's noses either. I'm just trying to be myself.
In hindsight, I almost wish that I had been wearing something more obviously feminine. I probably would've been in a bigger state of shock right now, but it would've been one less person to have to tell when the time comes to be myself at work. It would've made that hurdle one notch easier. I'll still jump it when the time comes, but it'd look less imposing.