2001/10/16

Shortly after I started the weight chart, it stopped. This is, of course, precisely what I said I wouldn't do, for the simple reason that I needed some kind of record of things. I still want that. I wanted it even then. However, I discovered upon a trip to the endocrinologist that my scale at home was wildly inaccurate, sufficiently so that its numbers were leading me into a false sense of security. I was actually weighing five to ten pounds light every day, meaning my actual weight was nearer to 270-275 during that time. It hit 280 the day I went to the endo, and at
that point I said, "This is a good idea, but I need to get a new scale."

That should have been a no-brainer purchase, but shortly after this happened, Jessie got fired from WalMart and suddenly I couldn't justify any sort of extraneous purchase, no matter how reasonable. I had to calm down from that, then find a decent scale that wouldn't scream in horror when I stepped on it (which took all of five minutes once I actually went looking), and then get enough of a lump sum payment off to my credit card to make me comfortable about buying something that wasn't an immediate need-solver.

However, now that it's done, the weight chart is back to regular updates as I hopefully manage in the next four and a half months to lose the weight I need to drop to be ready for my surgery. I'm actually starting up exercise again, though it's not much. I'm hoping it will be enough.

There's a lot more that's happened, but I haven't forgotten about my diary. I know every time I pass a month or so of no update, I start to feel like maybe I should just admit that I'm tired of bothering, but the truth is that I enjoy writing it. I'm not really talking to anyone when I put my thoughts here, but more than once I've gone back over what I've said before, to watch my own progress. It's been fairly amazing, even to me.

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