Whenever I entered a new phase of my life, I would always spend a few days or weeks wandering around in a sort of semi-daze. I wanted people to treat the changes I had made as if they were normal, and yet at the same time I wanted to celebrate them and revel in how they made me feel. When I came out the first time as gay, when I came out later as transexual, when I left my ex, when I found Hare and rediscovered Bear, all of these things I wanted to just be normal and yet I myself have been guilty of calling too much attention to them.
So it is now, again.
Jessie and I got married last night. I am now legally "Kristina Robin Tracer" should I choose to be, and I do. I find myself wanting to talk about this with people, to celebrate my legal commitment to my mate, and to have people know how happy i am that our relationship how has the proper recognition that it should have had so long ago.
What, though, has really changed?
I still have work on Monday. Jessie has work this afternoon. I ordered a pizza for breakfast, and tomorrow I'm going to sleep late and then bake cookies. Maybe I'll bake cookies today, or play Silent Hill 3 some more. Really, nothing at ay day-to-day level has changed, and yet I feel this urge to make things different, even though there's no need.
I do have to say here, though, that the ceremony was TEH COOLEST EVAR. Our friend Bennie ministered, while SusanDeer served as maid of honor and witness. Bennie noted that nothing in our relationship had ever come easy, and so we had to work for our wedding, too. We were then handed the dice and made to fill in the bottom half of Yahtzee score sheet (except the Yahtzee and Chance bits) in order to earn the bits of the ceremony.
I beat Jessie by forty points, too, which figures. I end up doing most of the work in the relationship anyway. =n.n=
It occurs to me that I said while I was in Thailand that I will have "burned the bridge" when I had my surgery. In truth, that was an erroneous statement. I'm the same person that I was before then as after, at least in terms of continuity of existence and memory. To say that a singular event, even one as dramatic as that, would change my life is silly. It didn't even effect which bathroom I used, even if one of my old companies wanted to work things that way.
A lot has changed since then, though. I've changed jobs twice, been unemployed for four months, gotten married, served as a staff member of a major furry con twice, and started making plans for a permanent future that I never thought I would make when I was younger. I've become someone that I'm happy to be, even if some of the details still aren't right and others can never be fixed. I may forever be on the bridge, crossing from one truth to another, one vision to another, but I think there are far more apt metaphors for my life than one of transition.
I am in serious need of a site redesign.