So much has happened in the last week. I should post these as they happen, but life is what happens while one makes other plans. Today I decided to finally sit down and cover everything. My life feels like it's moving forward
First, and foremost, Jason proposed to me.
I'm going to put that one in a paragraph by itself, because it deserves it. I was in an emotional slump, and he and I had been cuddling. I said I was upset about how long it would take for me to get where I'm going, and he said to me, out of the blue, "Kristy, I'll be here until you get rid of me, hon. I'll be here however long it takes, and beyond, because I want to be with you." He looked a bit sheepish then, and he smiled and added, "I can't give you a ring, love. Just a promise to stand by you as long as you want me here."
I started crying on his shoulder at that point. It just felt so incredibly good, hearing him say that and knowing how much I meant to him, for him to say that to me. The actual question itself, much more in his style, came almost as an afterthought to that, but those were the important words.
I said yes.
Right now, we can't legally do anything. It'll be a few years before any ceremony we could perform would be recognized, but that's not important. What's important, to me, is that there is someone in my life that accepts me for who I am and understands who I wish I to be, and is willing to stay with me through all of the trials ahead and beyond.
Having a family is the most wonderful feeling. After my last boyfriend, I thought I would never really feel part of that. I thought I had it with him, but I didn't, I don't get close to people easily; I have a few people with whom I'm very close and then a wide group of acquaintences, but not many "casual friends". Now, though, I have it again, and this time I know it's for who I am and not just who I think he wants me to be.
My life just continues to get better, the more myself I become.
Most of the rest are best addressed as side notes to the above. My therapist cleared me for hormones last Saturday. Hopefully it won't take her as long to get my recommendation letter for that as long as it took for her to get my walking letter. If it does, however, it's not really too much of a big deal; I have to wait for my new healthcare card from my insurance provider to arrive before I could schedule an appointment with the doctor she
Jason also met my therapist, finally, and they seemed to hit it off really well, which I think is a good thing. We went in to talk about sex, because that's been something of a delicate situation, as I'm sure you could guess. Right now, I fluctuate between wanting the contact and intimacy and frustration and unhappiness at the end results of same. I enjoy it right up until the moment I think about what I'm doing, or what I've just done, and then suddenly I just feel awkward and uncomfortable. My therapist made some suggestions, and they've helped though it'll be a long time before those feelings go away.
I went back for my next laser treatment on my face, and I did my neck at the same time. I feel like a lobster right now but I've got aloe vera gel to put on it and that takes a lot of the stinging out of it. Hopefully I should only need one more round on my face, maybe two on my neck, and then I won't have any more problems there. It's too early to tell but I have high hopes. I just wish it weren't so expensive, but it's worth every penny.
My life is proceeding apace, ever improving.