In redesigning the site, I had to go back and reread, from the beginning, everything I've written here since I started this project. It's not something that I do regularly, but in this case I'm kind of glad I did.
It's been almost a month since I've posted anything, and a great deal has happened in that time. All of it has been small movements, and yet when put together, it's representative of a lot of progress.
I'm not one for naked self-adulation, but I've changed a lot in the last six months, if not in terms of desire, then at least in terms of self-esteem and confidence that I'll be able to survive in my new life. I remember at one point being so scared of what I thought I was, where I thought I had to go. I knew what I needed to do, but I couldn't face it. Now, I've embraced it. I am Kristina Davis, moreso than I was ever the person I used to try to be.
Last Thursday, I decided I had waited long enough and I went back to my doctor's to have the bloodwork done so that I could have my hormone dosage increased. This prompted a lovely battle with my insurance company. it's become very commonplace for insurance companies to flat-refuse to cover any procedures that are classified as sex-change related. They don't have any valid reason for it; they just don't. However, they will all make a big
point of saying that they'll cover any medically necessary procedure.
What happens when you have a sex-changed related procedure that's medically necessary? I asked my insurance company this very question, and they refused to answer. They simply reiterated their two positions about half a dozen times. In the end, I told my doctor that my insurance company didn't know what they were doing or whether they would pay for it, and she offered to run it through their system and then just charge me if they wouldn't pay.I accepted, and I haven't paid since. It's been two weeks, so I'm of the opinion that the matter's settled.
I think I know why they say they won't cover it, when they really will. Saying that they won't stops about ninety percent of the people from even asking, because the book says they won't. Rejecting the initial attempts to have the insurance company pay will stop ninety percent of the people who ask. But if you're one of those one percent of the people who pester them and get nasty, they'll buckle because they'd rather pay for one percent of the treatments than risk facing a lawsuit and being forced to pay for one-hundred percent.
At any rate, my bloodwork came back to me on Monday, and my doctor called me to give me the results. After three months of being on estrogen and an androgen blocker, my estrogen levels are about where they should be for a woman my age, but my testosterone is about what one could expect in a rampagingly priapric nineteen-year-old male. Needless to say, this is why the hormones have felt like they've done very little so far. My dosages have all been doubled, and we'll see what that does.
The process of transferring to New York is proceeding apace. I sent a note on Monday to the HR manager there and found out that there are openings for which one manager thinks I'd be well-qualified, but she's been so swamped with work that she's been too busy to contact me, and this week she's been on vacation recovering from her overwork! They're like FlashNet, so understaffed that they can't take the time to train anyone. I hope when I get there I won't need too much of a learning curve.
Also, I've taken the matter of development of things into my own hands, so to speak. Having read several articles on Body Modification E-Zine about vacuum pumping, and having spoken with someone who succeeded in inducing permanent changes in breast size with this method, I've invested in a breast pump. I'm doing this with a healthy skepticism, but I'm willing to try it. If it works, wonderful. If it doesn't, I'm only out the funds and the time, which I don't mind.
I'm still making progress, but it's slow. Measureable, but slow.