Last night, I woke up at about midnight, and then again at two in the morning, in pain. I have no idea what caused it; it had happened a few times prior but it had always gone away fairly quickly. This time it wouldn't stop, and after about ten minutes I asked Jessie to go ask the nurse for a painkiller and a sleeping pill. Whatever it was, it went away and it hasn't come back since.

Dilation is basically routine now, but it's frustrating. It feels a little dehumanizing with the nurse helping me do it, though at least she doesn't stand and watch me now. I get about half an hour between when she leaves me with one of the stints inside and the next prepared, and when she gets back to clean the area and change my bandage. That half-hour is one of the most boring imaginable, because I can't really do anything more than watch TV or participate in any activity that takes more than one hand, I'm stuck on my back with my legs in the air during it, and I've got something probing uncomfortably up inside me at the same time. If it weren't a chore, it might be enjoyable, but then, usually when something becomes a job for me, it stops being fun.

Dr. Sanguan came by the room while I was trying to work on this entry, and he just confirmed that I did indeed have a bacterial infection, which is probably what cost me the penile graft. He's assured me that the scrotal graft is safe, and he's switched me onto a specific antibiotic to fight the infection that I have, and so I should be set to go under the knife again on the first. He was cheerful about the whole thing, and so it was kind of hard for me not to be as well, at least then.

Realistically, though, right now I'm just very upset, or at least I was when I first heard about this. Originally, I thought I'd be in the hospital for five weeks, and I was grimly determined to survive it. Then suddenly it looked like we'd be out in three, and Jessie and I were ecstatic. Now it looks like we're back on our original schedule, and for some reason we're both just incredibly bothered by that. Ennui has settled, and I'm still catheterized and tied to the hospital as a result. Jessie is going stir-crazy, and I'm having to fight to keep from getting incredibly frustrated at my inability to go out and do things away from this room.

At least hopefully we won't have to extend our stay.

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