I've been off of my hormones now for four days, and while I'm not doing nearly as bad as I feared I might, I'm certainly not doing as well as I'd hoped. I won't say it's hubris; I didn't walk around saying I wouldn't notice being off my pills. I will say that it's a lot worse now that I'm aware that I'm not taking my usual dosage. Before, when I had the pharmacy screw-up, I didn't know I was supposed to be having this many problems, and so it didn't feel
like I had them. At least, I don't remember having them. Jessie says I was a living terror, but I honestly don't remember.

At any rate, I've been all over the map emotionally. Mostly I've been going from intensely frustrated to miserably depressed at my loss of control, and then irritated at my own hormonal swinging and then frustrated at my inability
to control my emotional state, and so on and so forth. It's a weird road to walk, knowing that I'm irrational and unstable and being unable to stop it, only to watch as it happens. It's a bit like a roller coaster, unto which I have likened my mood swings before.

Tomorrow—later today, really—I'll be boarding the flight to England, the first leg of the trip. Hopefully I'll have bottomed out by then, or at least this bloody headache will have resided. Maybe.

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